Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” -Anthony Robbins


My mother is prone to saying When one door closes, a window somewhere else is opened, you just have to look for it. 

I got laid off my job last week. It wasn't the biggest surprise, since when I was hired I was told it might only go to February, and since the office was snail slow, I should have expected it. But it doesn't make it any easier. This is the first time I've ever ended one job without another lined up to take it's place. And though I'm enjoying the time off, the time to sleep and have multiple TV marathons (currently it's "Grey's Anatomy," - seasons 1 and 2 though, because after that it starts sucking- and "Unscripted" ... coming up is "Friday Night Lights" and "Six Feet Under"), I have no idea what I'm going to do next, and it scares me. 

When I first moved here, I had money from my Mom to help me as I scoured for jobs, and my bills were a bit more manageable. But now, I have insurance to add to my rent, and working two part time jobs won't really allow me to pay them all. Especially since there aren't any hours because no one is spending money. Which means I might have to move home. To Virginia.

My Mom loves this idea. She's lonely and wants to take care of me, wants to spend time with me. And in all honesty, I'm not as opposed to it as I thought I would be. It would give me time to recoup, to spend time with family, to catch up. Like Nick Garrett in "October Road". Except without the illegitimate son and estranged girlfriend. 

I applied to grad school in San Francisco, to Teaching Fellowships in Oakland and New York, to jobs in Virginia, New York, and LA. The first two I won't hear about until Spring, the others who knows. If I ever do. 

So I'm stuck at a crossroads. Do I stay in LA and work crappy part-time jobs until I hopefully get into a program? Do I give up my apartment and move home, where the only bills I have are insurance? Where there are less film people competing for jobs and more accessible teaching jobs? If I can't get a job here, I can't afford to live here, and that's reality. 

The world is falling apart. 

So Peter, that window that opened, will you come to it and whisk me away to a land of pirates, Lost Boys, Indians, and adventure?